Why am I writing this? Because...

• There are so many people I love who live in so many far-flung places, and I want to make sure they can always hear from me, even if I don’t always have the time or energy to talk to them directly.
• In the wee hours of the morning the day after my diagnosis, reading stories on the Internet of people in the same situation, particularly other young women, provided me with knowledge and comfort.
• When I started making a list of everyone I wanted to get in touch with to let them know what was happening, it grew to over 100 names without me having to stop to think twice.
• Although I am not yet tired of explaining “how I found out and what is next” to my friends, I know I might be at some point.
• When I see you on the street this spring, I don’t want to have to explain why I decided to cut my hair. And I don’t want you to have to feel bad you asked when I tell you the reason.
• When you see me out to dinner in New York this winter in a short red or a long black wig (both will be pulled from the costume box I have had since performing in Follies at business school, so watch for it!) I may not want to have to explain why.
• When we next see each other in person, I would rather cut straight to the hug than have the awkward conversation.
• This is one of those “live life without regrets” wake-up calls you never want to receive, but when you do it inspires you. And one of my regrets has been that I no longer make time to write, so now I will. Hopefully not just about cancer, but I imagine that for the near term that may be what fills many of the posts. But I promise to try to write about what makes me happy too.
  
• I have fallen out of touch with people who have been an important part of my life, and I want them back in it.
• I read a statistic (that I am too lazy to look up now) about how women who write about their breast cancer have a better time dealing with it. And I believe it.
• There is a quote from an old Calvin & Hobbes cartoon (how erudite! wouldn’t Professor Finkelpearl in the English department be proud!) that I remember, something like “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.” In a much less negative way, that’s what I am doing.
• All my instincts tell me to talk about this with people. To make myself feel better, to raise awareness, to perhaps find out some piece of information that will help me or someone else.
• Work will help keep me busy, but sometimes I may need to do something to take my mind off my situation that is not completely divorced from it. This can be that outlet.
• I want to give people who might feel awkward about calling me, because it’s been a long time since we have talked or because we are not “that close” or just because you think I might be too busy or tired to talk (which I may be) a way to get in touch with me or to just be able to know how things are going.
• There are a lot of thoughts whirling in my head, especially late at night and early in the morning. Writing them down may help me calm down. And I flatter myself that you may find some of them informative, touching or (hopefully) amusing.
• Sharing my diagnosis over the last few days has led to my friends and family offering wisdom, compassion, strength and love, all of which I will need in giant doses in the coming months.